So. Anxiety dreams most likely film related. Last night, Rory and Stephanie were counting on me for our final performance, the one we couldn't graduate without. I couldn't find the paper with the words I was supposed to say on it. I was going through all my drawers, everything spilled out, nothing.
I couldn't speak.
I could hear the audience grumbling, "she could've just memorized it." Pressure mounting, till I woke up in a panic, saying out loud that I was disappointing the people I am working with and I was gonna keep all of us from graduating.
"But you aren't in school anymore." My lover, now awake from my terrified wimpering.
She's right, I'm not.

There is a scene in the film where Natalie wakes from a nightmare in the dark, with the phrase, "Who are your gods, Loreli?" shuck in her head. Loreli, the name Renée Vivien gave Natalie in her novel, Une femme m'apparut. Romaine wakes beside Natalie, calms her down. A crack in the Amazon's perfect armor. 

drawing by Romaine Brooks.